BDSM and D/s relationships have been in existence for as long as there have been relationships! In fact, back in the 1950s it wasn’t uncommon to see ads depicting husbands spanking their wives over their laps. Of course over time, images and even the prospect of these acts happening in the home were deemed sexist and demeaning. Couples living the lifestyle went into hiding for fear of being seen as deviant and possibly locked up for such reasons.
Fast forward to present day and we are finding a boom in married people dabbling in the kink. Strangely, this is all because of the phenomenon of 2012’s Fifty Shades of Grey. Some reports following the craze stated a baby boom and a 20% increase in boy children being named Grey.
Since then, society has seen the selling of more bondage gear to help “spice up the bedroom” and while that’s great if it makes sex all the more better, it misleads those who assume that is what BDSM and D/s relationships are all about.
I personally like to call these newbie girls “Fifty Shades pseudo-subs”. These are the women who read this book and came to the conclusion what the female lead experienced was exactly what all submissives must go through in their unions. Not only is this far from the truth, there is a danger that lies beneath this fantasy. They play the desperate, naive doormat which can ultimately lead to finding an abuser instead of the confident, person that is a Dominant.
Daily Mail in the UK’s online reporter gave a great list explaining the differences of BDSM and the disservice the story has given to true D/s relationships (link below).
So you’re probably wondering what this has to do with vanilla aka basic marriage and the lifestyle. There are times when one person is experienced and the other is not. In my case, and many others, there is a submissive wanting her significant other to come to terms to her wants. The desire to be Dominated. But what if her partner is unsure where to start or if they even want to for that matter? Well, I can tell you the answer is NOT in a book that is quite ignorant to the community.
As this article is an introduction into the concept, one that I am going through now with my husband, one of the first places I went to was the internet (naturally). Together we kept lines of communication open. We discussed boundaries and limits, both hard and soft. I kept dialogue simple, for the last thing you want to do is overwhelm your partner.
This new world can be a lot to take in. Tiffany Reisz, author of The Prince wrote this wonderful guide as a means to help break the ice, so to speak.
The questions that need to be asked when deciding if this is the right path to take are:
- Think about why you want to try
- Think first
- Talk about it
- Take the first steps
- Experiment with light bondage
- BDSM doesn’t require a dungeon or expensive equipment
- There are different facets of BDSM from extreme to sensual play
- Keep communicating
- Take turns-BDSM and D/s is all about power exchange
- Keep it coming-don’t give up
Starting small and working your way up is always best with anything in life, but most especially when diving into the world of BDSM and D/s relationships. Introduce the methods and concepts slowly and always talk about it. That is the only way to living a successful and loving Dominant/submissive couple.
Links
http://www.examiner.com/article/societal-impact-of-50-shades-of-grey-erotica
http://www.frostmagazine.com/2012/12/an-introduction-to-bdsm-a-beginners-guide-by-tiffany-reisz/
Great article! Not only is it very informative, but I felt the subject matter was handled in an insightful and approachable way.
Thank you! I will be expanding on this with more articles to come. Stay tuned!
You’re very welcome!
Great article.
We’re glad you enjoyed it.
Love this article. Helps put things in perspective when considering my vanilla wife. I was being selfish and were poorly communicating my desires and wanted INSTANT gratification when it came to my kinks. I need to re-evaluate things and try again with more patience especially with 3 small children around and no trustworthy babysitter/relative to get some adult time.
Again, great article. Thanks.
You are so welcome Ray! We are extremely glad that the article helped you and we hope that things go well with you and your wife. We completely understand about not having enough adult time.. we have four kids running around too!